Good Morning Boys:
Yes, it is that time of year again, only 58 more days. Time to start thinking about what we are going to eat while we sit around the campfire and tell lies about what we did while hunting and killing animals. Yep, this kind of stuff isn’t for the faint of heart. Only the men of men have what it takes to belly up to this bar and trade licks with the likes of us. For those who have the “Right Stuff” and can survive until the next meal, you will be rewarded with sustenance that will fuel your engines and build your stamina so you can re-enter the arena and fight again.
If you’re thinking something fancy-schmancy, then you should probably sit this one out and come back when you become a real hunter. Our motto is, “If it doesn’t hurt when you eat it, then it aint worth eating.” Our coffee is served with a knife and fork, the beans are scraped from the bottom of the pot, and all of the meat is served jerky style. If you’re not up to the challenge, then you might consider moving back in with your mom and letting her cut your meat for you. There is no space around the campfire for people like you.
This year, the menu will probably look very similar to the menu from last year because the response was overwhelmingly positive. We consider a positive response any meal that doesn’t end with uncontrolled projectile vomiting, botulism, salmonella,
However, nothing is set in stone. If you have any special requests, or if you feel up to cooking something special for the boys, then now is the time to voice your opinion. To request a change to the menu, simply mail a letter to the Buzzard Bluff Hunting Association, c/o Vice-President of Gastro Stimulation, P.O. Box 275896, Fort Smith, Arkansas. All requests must be received in the office no later than noon on the second Tuesday of the first week of October. All requests that do not arrive in time for the deadline will be processed into toilet paper to be used during the 2012 hunting season.
Cooler space is limited so it is important that Gastro Stimulation department have an accurate head-count so that the correct amount of supplies can be flown in. The menu committee needs to know who will be attending which meals. If you sign up for a meal and are unable to attend said meal, the food supplies that you ordered and did not use will be air dropped onto the windshield of your car sometime between Monday and Friday of the week following the annual hunt, between the hours of 7:00am and 10:00pm. You will be responsible for all damages that may result from the air drop.
The same rules apply this year as they did last year. For all of you numb-skulls that have already forgotten the rules, I will review them again.
1. The cook does NOT have to clean dishes, pots, pans, and eating utensils after each meal. He has sacrificed much to ensure that you have a camping culinary experience that is second to none. If you don’t care enough to do a little clean-up after the meal, then he may, at his discretion, urinate or spit in the next meal he prepares for you.
2. Anybody who complains about the quality of any meal will be required to prepare the next meal. (“It tastes like shit, but GOOD shit”)
That is all for now. It is time to start polishing your guns, sharpening your knives, and pulling your hunting clothes out of the closet. Shine your boots and get ready for the Third Annual Buzzard Bluff Hunting Extravaganza.
