Good
Morning Boys:
Yes,
it is that time of year again, only 58 more days. Time to start thinking about
what we are going to eat while we sit around the campfire and telling lies
about what we did while hunting and killing animals. Yep, this kind of stuff isn’t
for the faint of heart. Only the men of men have what it takes to belly up to
this bar and trade licks with the likes of us. For those who have the “Right
Stuff” and can survive until the next meal, you will be rewarded with
sustenance that will fuel your engines and build your stamina so you can
re-enter the arena and fight again.
If
you’re thinking something fancy-schmancy, then you should probably sit this one
out and come back when you become a real hunter. Our motto is, “If it doesn’t
hurt when you eat it, then it aint worth eating.” Our coffee is served with a
knife and fork, the beans are scraped from the bottom of the pot, and all of
the meat is served jerky style. If you’re not up to the challenge, then you
might consider moving back in with your mom and letting her cut your meat for
you. There is no space around the campfire for people like you.
This
year, the menu will probably look very similar to the menu from last year
because the response was overwhelmingly positive. We consider a positive
response any meal that doesn’t end with uncontrolled projectile vomiting,
botulism, or salmonella. Last year everybody was POSITIVE that all of the food
was not fit for human consumption.
However,
nothing is set in stone. If you have any special requests, or if you feel up to
cooking something special for the boys, then now is the time to voice your
opinion. To request a change to the menu, simply mail a letter to the Buzzard
Bluff Hunting Association, c/o Vice-President of Gastro Stimulation, P.O. Box
275896, Rudy, Arkansas. All requests must be received in the office no later
than noon on the second Tuesday of the first week of October. All requests that
do not arrive in time for the deadline will be processed into toilet paper to
be used during the 2014 hunting season.
Cooler
space is limited so it is important that the Gastro Stimulation department have
an accurate head-count so that the correct amount of supplies can be flown in.
The menu committee needs to know who will be attending which meals. If you sign
up for a meal and are unable to attend said meal, the food supplies that you
ordered and did not use will be air dropped onto the windshield of your car
sometime between Monday and Friday of the week following the annual hunt,
between the hours of 7:00am and 10:00pm. You will be responsible for all
damages that may result from the air drop.
The
same rules apply this year as they did last year. For all of you numb-skulls
that have already forgotten the rules, I will review them again.
1.
The cook does NOT have to clean dishes, pots, pans, and eating utensils
after each meal. He has sacrificed much to ensure that you have a camping
culinary experience that is second to none. If you don’t care enough to do a
little clean-up after the meal, then he may, at his discretion, urinate or spit
in the next meal he prepares for you.
2.
Anybody who complains about the quality of any meal will be required to
prepare the next meal. (“It tastes like shit, but GOOD shit”)
That
is all for now. It is time to start polishing your guns, sharpening your
knives, and pulling your hunting clothes out of the closet. Shine your boots
and get ready for the Fifth Annual Buzzard Bluff Hunting Extravaganza.
